Monday, February 28, 2011

Know Your Vulva Part 2- The Name Game and Shame

When we are children or teenagers we are taught that boys have a penis.  But what are we taught that girls have?  The answer is usually a vagina.  We are not taught that she has a vulva.  We are not taught about the clitoris or the inner or outer lips or the mons, we are taught that we have a hole or two.  And that's it.

Our old buddy Sigmund Freud is at least partly responsible for this.  The whole Oedipal thing relies on the fear of castration:  The idea that men have a penis and women do not.  They have nothing.  Men are defined as a presence and women as an absence.

How many times have we heard a child say that they had seen a woman's vagina in a locker room?  Unless the kid had X-ray specs, she did not a vagina see.  Even if the woman was spread eagle with her fingers separating everything, she might have seen the vaginal opening, but that probably did not happen.

Defining women as an absence is a huge problem for women and body image.  Anything that is not a hole is considered somehow masculine.  So women who have large inner lips for example are considered masculine and imperfect.  If we are just supposed to have a hole down there, how do we explain everything else?  And if we don't have a name for it, how can we enjoy it?

Education does not help this matter at all.  Most people are taught in Sex Education the same thing, that women have vaginas.  Many teachers are not allowed to use the word clitoris at all, lest it should encourage exploration.  (Or any kind of pleasurable female sexuality, we wouldn't want that now would we?)  Diagrams are usually thin, white women with everything "neat" and tucked in.  There is no variety, no black vulvas, no fat ones, etc.

So between being yelled at and told we were dirty for touching ourselves when we were children and then being "linguistically castrated" by our teachers, most women start in a very bad place when it comes to vulva body image, heaped on top of the body image problems we suffer in general.  However, no fad diets will help with this problem.  We must immediately turn to surgery to "correct" this problem.

Next Post:  Labiaplasty:  The Fastest-Growing Plastic Surgery in the US

Friday, February 25, 2011

Fat Fashion Friday 3

Hello Fat-O-Sphere!  Just a quick OOTD which features some of my recent clearance finds at Fashion Bug.

Cardigan- Fashion Bug
"Swanky" Tank- Old Navy
Skirt- Fashion Bug
Leggings- Old Navy
Boots- Target
Belt/ Necklace/ Earrings- Fashion Bug

My friend at class told me that I look like a purple Wicked Witch of the West in this outfit, I'm not sure whether that was a compliment or an insult...  I love these cardis, you might recognize it from my Christmas photo, they are so comfortable and pretty and you can do sooooooo much with them.  Also, the skirt is pretty neat because it has pockets.  I bought it in a couple of other colors as well, so I'm sure you'll get to see them eventually.  It was a really fun outfit to wear, the only problem was going to the bathroom because there were so many layers!  

Have a great weekend everyone!

~Mrs. Sprat

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Know your Vulva Part 1- Introduction

This is going to be the first part in a series about knowing your vulva.  Men, you should listen up too, these are important issues whether you have one or not.

Women are taught from a very young age not to look at or touch their vulva.  Mother's slap us, teachers admonish us.  We are told that it is a dirty place and instructed to go and wash our hands.  I was told (when I'd left the hand mirror on the bathroom floor by mistake) that if you can't see something, you probably shouldn't be looking at it.

Some women grow up without knowing what their vulva even looks like.  Many others are ashamed, concerned about smell or think simply that it is ugly.  Some risk surgery to "correct" problems they believe exist because there is no one to talk to about whether this or that is "normal."

These problems can be exacerbated by being fat because body image issues often compound on each other.  Also, fat women are often "de-sexed" or are somehow considered less womanly or asexual because they are fat.  The shame surrounding being fat becomes entangled with the same surrounding the female genitals and the combination can be devastating.

Over the next few weeks, I'm going to break down the problem, and it's solutions over several blog posts.  I think that this topic is too important to rush it, so I hope that you will all stay with me, I promise you will learn a lot!

Up next week:  The Name Game and Shame

~Mrs. Sprat

Monday, February 21, 2011

Harpooning- Or why sometimes everyone is oppressed

I had a movie night with a few friends yesterday for one of our sexuality classes.  During dinner, my one friend started talking about her 19 year-old brother who taught her about harpooning over the weekend.

A quick search of Urban Dictonary finds the definition of harpooning to be The act of successfully bringing home a woman equal to or greater than your own body weight in desperation at the end of a long drunken night of being rejected by more attractive and better-endowed women. After successfully completeting this task, a man will be granted his license to harpoon and may continue to indulge in this difficult task. 

My friend said that she immediately called her brother out on it, saying that it was a terrible expression and hurtful to women.  But she went on to say that her brother explained that it was a good way for boys/men who really like fat women to justify having slept with them.  In other words, men who happen to just like the girl can pretend they were out harpooning to avoid criticism.

At first I was outraged that men would be calling women whales while simultaneously using them for sex.  But as I thought about what my friend's brother had said, I started to feel pretty bad for the men too.

I think that it is all too easy to believe that we are the only ones who suffer from the "thin ideal" and fat hatred. I think that we leave thin people out of the equation and men as well because we feel that they are our oppressors.  But not all thin people have dieted to that weight and hate us for being fat and not all (thin or otherwise) men hate fatties.  Some of them are just as oppressed as we are.

Just think about the concept of having a "fat fetish."  Why does the concept even exist?  Men who date only thin women aren't "thin fetishists."  It serves to explain the behavior:  "I can't help it, I have a fat fetish.  I would like thin women if I could."  Similarly, harpooning can be seen as an excuse:  "I didn't really like that fat woman, we were just all out harpooning."  Nowhere can they say:  "I love her (or like her or lust her) and she happens to be fat."  And for that matter, nowhere can they say "I think her body is beautiful and that's why I want to sleep with her."

I wonder what goes through my husband's head whenever he introduces me to new people.  I'm sure it must cross is mind.  I'm sure that his friends from high school or work must think "what's wrong with him that he's with her" or "she must be really funny or something" or just simply "Her?"  (Any Arrested Development fans out there?)  This may just be my insecurities talking, but I imagine that I would have had less problems with my in-laws when we first met if I had been thin.  (They said it was my personality but I wonder if that wasn't exacerbated by my weight.)

The truth is everyone suffers from fat hatred.  Thin people suffer, fat people suffer, men who love fat women suffer.  Even thin teenage boys who use the term "harpooning" suffer.  Somehow, people have to stop buying into a system that serves no one.  How can something that is clearly so hard, sound so easy?

Friday, February 18, 2011

Fat Fashion Friday 2

It has been joyously warmer here the last few days, so I've been breakin' out the short-sleeved tops!
"Sharkbite" T-Shirt- Fashion Bug
"Skinny" Jeans- Old Navy
Sneakers- Converse (Marshalls)

Kind of a simple outfit, but yet still cute.  I love these so-called sharkbite tops and cardigans.  They add a lot to a simple v-neck t-shirt for example.  I also love the look of Converse sneakers with skinny jeans.  What's the point of having cute sneaks if they are covered by flare leg pants?  

There's a side view of the top.  It's fun to be frilly!  I like the way it kind of flutters when you walk, it creates a nice effect.  

I also tried pairing it with my belt, because I am OBSESSED WITH IT!  I'm not sure how I feel about it.  I like belting dresses, and skirts with the shirt tucked in but I feel almost a little clumsy belting a top.  What do you guys think?  

Here's an extra picture of me and Mr. Sprat in our matching shirts.  Have a great weekend everyone!

Mrs. Sprat

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Fat Sex Tip # 6- Food and Sex

Food and sex are two of the greatest pleasures in life.  So why not combine them?

In the past, I've had a lot of trouble combining food with other things in my life.  At sweet 16 parties, I would dance and dance but I wouldn't eat.  Anything.  I didn't want people to look over and think "oh, look at the fat girl eating."  So the idea of combining food and sex again seemed like something that I shouldn't do.

Of course, eventually I started eating at parties and being in a relationship with a man who loves me no matter what, I started incorporating food into sex.

Whipped Cream:  The classic, it can be fun but the thing they don't tell you in porn is that it is COLD!  Mr. Sprat isn't a big fan because of that, and I'm not a big fan of being sticky so it's not my personal choice.

Body Paint:  They make body paint in a variety of flavors, but chocolate is the most common.  Sometimes they come with stencils to paint patterns on each other.

Edible Underwear:  I have to imagine that these come in sizes that would exclude most fatties.  However you can get creative and make your own.  String fruit roll-ups together or use old panties to provide a framework and cover them with something tasty!

Remember: You don't want to put anything sweet in the vulva.  It can mess with your PH down there and cause all kinds of problems.  Vegetables like carrots can be great for in the vagina, although I personally don't find anything terribly sexy about carrots.  Feeding each other can be sexy as well.  Again fruit is the common one but if you both love it (and it's not to hot to feed each other comfortably) go for it.

Also, sometimes sharing a post-coital snack can be fun and help bond the two (or three or four) of you.  Mr. Sprat and I had a ritual of eating these cheese-filled pretzels after sex and just talking and being naked together.  Having a little snack after sex has many benefits:  You probably have worked up an appetite, it helps bond the two of you and it keeps you (or your partner) from falling asleep right away.

Anyway you slice it, sex and food are a killer combination and you shouldn't let your fat "shoulds" get in the way of it!

Mrs. Sprat

Monday, February 14, 2011

Pointing Out the Obvious

Dear Dan Savage,

Oh wait, that sounds familiar.  

Didn't the media recently bring to everyone's attention that gay teens were very likely to commit suicide or have thought about committing suicide?  And didn't someone start a campaign called "It Gets Better" to try and lessen this risk?

Oh yeah, it was you.  

Suggesting that a higher mortality rate among gays means that they should not be able to get married is ludicrous.  But so is trotting out the same tired reasons why fat people will die.  Lots of gay people don't have AIDS.  Lots of fat people don't have heart disease or diabetes.  Using fat marriage, even satirically to demonstrate the ridiculousness of banning gay marriage is bullying, plain and simple.  

Fat people cannot closet themselves (not that gays should either, but sometimes it is the only option until it gets better.)  They suffer from bullying when they are children, teens and into their adult years.  They are told by teachers to "lay off the candy" and mocked for loving who they love and being who they are.  And they are threatened with the "specter of health" looming over them, telling them that if they do not shape up, they will die young and unloved.  

And the worst part is-- thanks to people like you-- it does not get better.

Mrs. Sprat

PS:  Please feel free to check out Living400lbs and Brian at Red No. 3 for some more tips on how not to be a hypocrite.  

Friday, February 11, 2011

Fat Fashion Friday

Cardigan/Belt:  Fashion Bug
Dress:  JC Penney (Robbie Bee)
Tights:  Probably JC Penney
Shoes:  Sears (Canyon River Blues)

I'm totally in love with this dress!  I was at JC Penney on Tuesday and I happened to see it in the PITIFUL plus clearance section and figured I'd try it on even though it was a size too small.  It fits great except for the sleeves are a little tight.  Also, that is one of the belts I mentioned in here.  It's a cinch belt and I am in love with it!  
Quick shout-out to Stiletto Siren for giving me the idea to wear the belt outside the cardigan.  It doesn't work that well with this particular one because its long in the front and short in the back, but I like the look in general and it keeps everything in place.  Yay belts!  And clearance dresses!  Have a great weekend!

~Mrs. Sprat

Thursday, February 10, 2011

You Can't Take That Away From Me

How do those in power stay in power?  How do they control the masses?  By using laws?  With money?  By being persuasive?  Maybe.  But they also use sex.

Those in power use sex to control.  Throughout our history the only kind of sanctioned sex was marital intercourse.  So people who were too poor to marry, couldn't have sex.  Those who loved a member of the same sex, couldn't have sex.  Those who had no partner, couldn't have sex.  Those who were too young or too old to reproduce, couldn't have sex.  The institution of heterosexual marriage is the classic example, but there are many others.

Margaret Sanger, the founder of Planned Parenthood?  She was a firm believer in the Eugenics Movement here in the United States, whereby many people who were deemed unfit to reproduce were sterilized without their consent.  These included people who were "feeble-minded," epileptics, people with syphilis, among others.  Mostly the Eugenics Movement sought to keep "undesirables" from reproducing, which for many included people of color and the poor.  In order to keep rich, white men in power, they felt it was necessary to keep anyone else from reproducing.

Of course, sexuality has been used as a tool to keep women in their place for as long as men have been aware of their role in reproduction.  Many cultures throughout the world have had the same double-standard as we do in the Western World, wherein men are expected to have sex outside of and before marriage and women are supposed to be virgins.  Even the Roman Catholic Church went through a period of sanctioning the use of prostitutes for men in order to avoid other "more serious" crimes.

Medicine has practiced similar forms of control, claiming that because women menstruated, college would cause undue strain on them and could cause them to become sterile.  Later, the vibrator was invented to help cure "hysteria" a disorder in women in which their uteri floated around their bodies looking for a baby.  Hysteria was caused by a lack of reproductive sexual intercourse and was most often found in "passionate" women.  So women need to get more sex, but not too much either. They needed to get married and have children and everything would be okay.  Religion played a role in this idea as well.  Women are born like Eve but need to meet the impossible standard of being like Mary.

Of course medicine has also brought men down, saying that masturbation would cause a number of illnesses and eventually death and that the loss of too much semen would wreak havoc on the body causing everything from TB and gonorrhea to hairy palms and blindness.  And more recently, the medicalization of every last sexual desire and "problem" from foot fetishes to premature ejaculation, exerts control over everyone who doesn't want 8 minutes of missionary-style heterosexual intercourse 3 times per week.

I am going to leave the media out of this discussion because I think that it is very easy to make the media a scapegoat for all the worlds ills.  I believe the real problem is education.  A lack of education sends people to look at TV for the answers.  TV is fantasy (granted much of it is not my fantasy) but with better education people would be better able to tell that TV is not real.  Just as Spongebob Squarepants is no way to learn about marine biology, pornography (or sitcoms for that matter) is no way to learn about sex.

Which leaves us with the school system.  Sex Education, for years, has controlled people's sexuality.  For years-- and I believe still today, in some districts-- anatomy models remove or cover the clitoris.  In one fell swoop, these curricula remove the importance of female sexuality.  Many are defined in heterosexist language, many promote abstinence, removing children and adolescents (as well as gays and lesbians) from their sexuality.  Many don't discuss sex for people with disabilities.  And nearly all feature thin, white models with so-called perfect figures.

As fat people (and especially fat women), we are told that we don't matter.  We are told that we don't need sex and that we shouldn't want sex.  Books on sex positions and advice, no matter how progressive, rarely have fat people in their diagrams.  Fat women are robbed of their femininity because they are fat.  We "eat like men," or we "must be dykes."  When we have been raped we are told we should be grateful that anyone was willing to sleep with us.  When we want sex or relationships we are told we much lose weight first.  When we are attracted to someone and we tell others about it, they laugh at us.  When we want to buy pretty clothes to impress someone, we can't.

The worst part is, it's effective.  Sex is a great means of control.  But what we have to remember is that sex is just an act, it's what we do.  Sexuality is who we are.  No amount of laws or rules will change who we are.  It may change how we express ourselves or how we present ourselves, but our sexuality is our own, it is built into us.  No amount of medicalization will make people stop masturbating, and no amount of thin sexuality models in our classrooms will make fat people stop having sex.  We need to always remember that they can't take that away from us.  And one day, just as women are slowly being allowed to want and enjoy sex, and people of color are slowly being considered and taught about, one day we too will be in the sex manuals.  We must tap into our denied sexuality and demand equality, for it will set us free.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Fat Sex Toy Review- Fukuoku 9000

It's time for our first sex toy review here on Lipid Love:  The Fukuoku 9000!

I'd been thinking about getting a fingertip vibrator since I saw this one reviewed on Talk Sex with Sue Johansen.  Basically you strap the vibrator to your finger and put it wherever you would normally use manual power.  The reason I was interested in it is because I thought it would be a good during-intercourse vibrator, since it's small and attaches directly to your finger.  It works well because when I'm on top or sometimes during doggie-style, I can reach my clitoris but I have trouble grinding/thrusting and manually stimulating myself at the same time.  (You know the old saying "I can't walk and chew gum"???)  

It's great because it's nice and small so it fits even when there's a lot going on.  When I'm on top, there's just not enough room for a penis, a whole bunch of fat rolls and a big honkin' vibrator all at the same time, this minimizes that problem.  And since it fits right on the finger there are lots of possible uses:  Clitoris, testicles, grundle, nipples, you name it!  Also, it comes with three different covers which have different grooves on them for different sensations.

-Easy to clean (just remove the covers and wash them.  It also comes with a carrying case, which is nice.)
-Easy to use.  
-Cost:  Between $15 and $40 dollars depending on where you get it.  

-It only has one speed.  I personally like to have two so I can jack it up when things get more intense.  That being said it is a very powerful motor in it.  
-It takes watch batteries, which could get annoying/expensive to replace.  
-Though the finger hole does expand, it's made of two pieces of plastic so for people with fatter fingers it can start to pinch a little.  

Overall I would give this an overall rating of 5 Orgasms and a Fatty-Friendly Rating of 4.  It's hard to judge, because it's smallness is actually a benefit for being Fatty-Friendly, at least in the case of as a during-intercourse vibrator, but the pinching of the finger spot brings it down.  I'm sure there's a way they could make it a little more flexible for people with big fingers.  

Happy Buzzing,
Mrs. Sprat

*Photo courtesy of

Friday, February 4, 2011


I did something I wasn't supposed to do yesterday.  Something that I haven't done in years.  Actually, I'm not really sure if I can remember ever doing it.  I bought... a belt.

Well, actually I bought two belts.

The last time I can remember having a belt, was middle school.  I think I had one of those fabric ones with the metal clasp that just slides and kind of clicks into place. I also think that it came with a pair of pants that I bought, I don't think that I specifically bought it or anything.  At that time I was still occasionally tucking in my shirt, and then "blousing" it out so you couldn't really tell where my stomach was.  (My mom taught me that one.)

I haven't worn a belt (or tucked my shirt in) since.  Now, I guess a small part of that is because I genuinely don't like the look of tucked in shirts.  Honestly, I think it looks kind of nerdy.  But there are definitely times when outfits (especially skirts) call for tucked in shirts.  And I can remember many times walking past the belts in JC Penney longingly, because they had those cute Relic ones with the bottle caps, or hollographic whatevers and I knew I had no use for them.

I mean really, why would a fat person ever need a belt anyway?  Belts hold up your pants, a fat person has fat to do that for them.  (Never mind that my pants are ALWAYS falling down because my butt is flatter than my stomach so I start to slide.)  So I hadn't bought a  belt in years, and I certainly hadn't tucked a shirt either.

It's interesting the rules we follow, without even realizing that we do them sometimes.  I personally never followed the "no-sleeveless" rule, though my mother would force me to wear shawls with nice dresses.  She used to pin them to the dress or (in the case of my middle school graduation) tuck them in through the sleeves.  I never really cared much for that rule mostly because I'm always hot.  I would start to dance at a sweet 16 and it would come un-pinned or else I would just take it off so I could dance more comfortably.  My mother would ask me what happened and I would say that it fell off, and she would just shake her head at me.

But I never wore belts, I knew that was something only thin people did.  And I never wore my shirt tucked in.  I rarely wore dresses until college when a friend re-introduced me to girdles.  And I never, ever, ever did anything (besides shower) without a bra on.

That's another one that I learned from my mother.  She would shower in her bra if she could find a way.  She wears hers to sleep, to the bathroom to take the shower, back out again, in the pool.  Always.  One day a few months after I started wearing training bras, I decided to go a day without one.  I remember, I was wearing a yellow t-shirt and it was a Saturday so it wasn't like anyone was going to see me anyway.

My mother looked me up and down.  "You're not wearing a bra today" she accused.

 "Nah, I thought I'd give it a rest today," I replied.

"You should probably wear one."

 I felt so sad.  I was chained to them now, forever, just like Mom.  It wasn't until Mr. Sprat that I stopped wearing them when I sleep, now, even occasionally when I'm home all day.  It's amazing how fast the scars I was led to believe all big-chested women have faded after I stopped abusing my body.

So eventually, I stopped wearing my bra all the time.  And eventually I started wearing dresses more.  And I started telling Mom it was my own business whether my arms would be covered or not.  And yesterday I bought a belt.  And I bought skirts with the intent to tuck.

For so long, I thought there were just some things I couldn't do because I was fat.   I was told there were some things that just weren't my rights, because I was fat.  But I moved out on my own, and I slept without a bra and I wore dresses and somehow, I found a boyfriend and got married  (and found a wedding dress!) And the police didn't kick in my door and tell me to give it back.   And I realized that maybe I could have anything I wanted, if I just worked at it and surrounded myself with people who would support me.

So yesterday, I bought a belt.