Fat Sex Tip #9- Erogenous Zones

You've just put your kids to bed for the night.  The dishes are done.  The homework and schoolwork and projects are done.  You actually don't feel tired, for once.  Suddenly you understand that you and your partner are having sex, come hell or high-water--or hopefully--you.  So what do you do?  Make a mad dash for the genitals and hope none of the kids wake up before you both finish?

It happens to everyone.  We get to know a partner and we know what turns them on and how long we need to do it before we both have an orgasm and can go to sleep.  Sometimes there just isn't time for exploring.  Sometimes exploring can be frustrating when it doesn't work or embarrasses someone or takes precious minutes away from the act.

It can be important, therefore, to remember that the penis and the clitoris or vagina are not the only things that feel good when they are touched.  Even the so-called "erogenous zones" can be limiting.  Ears, feet, inner elbows and knees and necks are the more common areas associated with erotic touching.  However anywhere, when touched in a certain way (and depending on the person), can feel delightful, just as delightful as a nice blow job or eight minutes of intercourse.

Fat people have a special advantage, in that we have an even larger canvas for sexual expression.  Extra fat on arms, knobs on knees, thick, full thighs:  All of these can be erogenous for some people.  Spots under fat, such as under your belly roll or under breasts often have thinner, very sensitive skin that feels amazing when touched, stroked, tickled or licked.  Even fat rolls on a persons back can feel amazing when sucked, and can be a great experience for the person doing the sucking as well.  (As a side note, heads can also feel amazing when touched, especially recently shaved heads, wink wink.)

If a person loves you and/or is sexually interested in you, they are interested in all of you.  Pretending that your fat isn't there doesn't make it go away, so you might as well use it to your advantage.  When my husband and I first started sleeping together, we didn't talk about my belly because it made me uncomfortable; we mostly pretended it wasn't there.  What I didn't know was that it turned him on and he wanted to explore it in the same way that he explored the rest of my body.  Once I was able to let go of belly shame, it became another way that we could express our feelings for each other.

Sex shouldn't be about limiting yourself to one area or one position or one act.  It should be about safely exploring all the wonderful things your body can do for itself and for others.  So next time you are in bed, take a minute to try sucking on a fat roll or groping a belly bump.  Great fat sex can only be accomplished if you can learn to let go of your hang-ups and take hold of your fat.

Fat Sex Toy Review- Fukuoku 9000

It's time for our first sex toy review here on Lipid Love:  The Fukuoku 9000!

I'd been thinking about getting a fingertip vibrator since I saw this one reviewed on Talk Sex with Sue Johansen.  Basically you strap the vibrator to your finger and put it wherever you would normally use manual power.  The reason I was interested in it is because I thought it would be a good during-intercourse vibrator, since it's small and attaches directly to your finger.  It works well because when I'm on top or sometimes during doggie-style, I can reach my clitoris but I have trouble grinding/thrusting and manually stimulating myself at the same time.  (You know the old saying "I can't walk and chew gum"???)  

It's great because it's nice and small so it fits even when there's a lot going on.  When I'm on top, there's just not enough room for a penis, a whole bunch of fat rolls and a big honkin' vibrator all at the same time, this minimizes that problem.  And since it fits right on the finger there are lots of possible uses:  Clitoris, testicles, grundle, nipples, you name it!  Also, it comes with three different covers which have different grooves on them for different sensations.

Pros:

-Small

-Quiet

-Powerful

-Easy to clean (just remove the covers and wash them.  It also comes with a carrying case, which is nice.)

-Easy to use.  

-Cost:  Between $15 and $40 dollars depending on where you get it.  

Cons:

-It only has one speed.  I personally like to have two so I can jack it up when things get more intense.  That being said it is a very powerful motor in it.  

-It takes watch batteries, which could get annoying/expensive to replace.  

-Though the finger hole does expand, it's made of two pieces of plastic so for people with fatter fingers it can start to pinch a little.  

Overall I would give this an overall rating of 5 Orgasms and a Fatty-Friendly Rating of 4.  It's hard to judge, because it's smallness is actually a benefit for being Fatty-Friendly, at least in the case of as a during-intercourse vibrator, but the pinching of the finger spot brings it down.  I'm sure there's a way they could make it a little more flexible for people with big fingers.  

Happy Buzzing,
Mrs. Sprat

*Photo courtesy of Amazon.com

Fat Sex Tip # 5- Intercourse is Overrated

There is a hierarchy that all of us learn when it comes to sex.  First, we kiss, then we touch, then we lick and then we fuck.  Once that last one starts, the others become foreplay, they become additions to the "main event."  We even go so far as to say that someone who has only had oral sex is still "technically a virgin" because they haven't had "real sex" yet.

First of all, to take this position (so to speak) we are coming from a heterosexist viewpoint.  For some types of relationship intercourse is not possible, or is (gasp!) not even desired.  Not all gay men have anal sex.  Not all lesbians use strap ons or other kinds of dildos.  So why then must all heterosexual couples have intercourse?

I want to take a minute to stress that I don't for a second believe that fat people are less capable of having intercourse.  If penis-in-vagina is what does it for you, that's great.  I just want to encourage people to expand their horizons and get rid of this silly hierarchy.  And honestly, I think there are a lot of thin people out there too who would enjoy other types of sex more than intercourse.

One great idea is for the two of you to lie down next to each other, either both on your backs or sides or some combination (I find having Mr. Sprat on his side and me on my back works best for us) and then give hand-jobs to each other at the same time.  It can be a very intimate position because you are both laying close to each other so you can kiss, look into each other's eyes, etc.  At the same time it's a very comfortable position because you are both lying down and relaxing.  For me personally, having sex while both lying down is next to impossible because of my thighs, so this is a great alternative.  Also because you have more control over your motions, you can time it so that you can orgasm together, or so that you can have multiple orgasms.

There are literally thousands of other combinations where you can stimulate each other at the same time or take turns and these often go to the wayside once the big "I" is introduced.  Nothing about mutual masturbation  or oral sex, or 69 isn't sex, it's just a different kind.  And for some people with certain preferences they can be a much more enjoyable experience (I love my husbands penis, but it just doesn't make me orgasm the same way his fingers do!)

So get creative!  If the petting you are doing before intercourse feels amazing, keep doing it!  If you miss the blow jobs you used to get before you got married, ask for one!  Just be sure to reciprocate...

~Mrs. Sprat

Fat Sex Tip #4- Mattress!

After two years of sleeping on a 25 year-old mattress, Mr. Sprat and I finally bit the bullet and bought a new mattress/boxspring.  Since moving on our own two years ago, our sex life has been okay, but certainly not what it was when we were in college.  At first I chalked it up to all our new "grown-up" worries and responsibilities (though in some ways they decreased after college) and also to the fact that our relationship was growing and changing as we moved from being dating to engaged to married.

Looking back, I now think a big part of it was the fact that we had moved from living in one room to having a whole apartment.  When we were in college, we did EVERYTHING in bed.  We ate dinner, did homework, watched TV, EVERYTHING.  Once we got an apartment, the TV moved to the living room, the computers moved to the living room, and in our most recent place, to the office and our meals shifted to the kitchen/dining room/ living room.  So we went from living in bed, to only heading there when our day was completely done.

In the last two months, we got another TV, so we moved our old one back to the bedroom and we got a new mattress.  Our sex life has seen a drastic change already.  The bed is so much higher than the other one, so positions work in totally different ways.  One of our favorites in college was to do doggie style with me on my hands and knees on the bed and Mr. Sprat standing next to the bed.  It worked on our old bed, but not very well.  This one is so nice and high, it's perfect.  Also, since the bed is much thicker, there's no crashing into the boxspring with every thrust so our backs don't take a beating during intercourse.  And, because its new and springy, my knees don't hurt at all during cowgirl, and Mr. Sprat's arms hurt less from holding up his own weight during missionary.

So this is my fat sex tip of the day:  Keep your mattress updated.  Not only does it help you to sleep better, thereby increasing your energy for all things sexy, but it also can help make sex more comfortable and pleasurable.  Really, your mattress is your primary sex toy, so it  pays to have a good one.

~ Mrs. Sprat

Sex Tip #3- Laugh

There is this idea of sex that it has to be serious and romantic in order to be good.  Sometimes that's true.  It can be beautiful to just be swept up and made love to (although notice the lack of consent in this "traditional" model of sex, but that is another post entirely) but talking, experimenting and yes, even laughing can make for a great sex experience.

Many people are too afraid to try something new, for fear of looking foolish or it not working or falling off the bed, etc.  But as your mother always said (oh good, now I've brought up your mother while you're having sex) how do you know it won't work, unless you try it.   Stuff happens.  Sometimes you read about an awesome position and then when you try it there's a scream and a thud.  Don't be discouraged, laugh it off, and try something else.  Just because you've found something that leads to orgasm every time, doesn't mean you should stop looking.  Laughing during sex can cement bonds and strengthen relationships, no matter what Hollywood tells you.

Also, laughter feels good.  Sex feels good.  It is natural to combine the two.  So go ahead, laugh when one of you starts making a squishy noise.  Laugh when one of you trips, or makes a funny face or farts in the middle of doggie style.  The alternatives are far more dangerous.

~Mrs. Sprat

Fat Sex Tip #2- Position, Position Position

I don't want to imply that fat people can't use the same positions as so-called "fit" people, and I myself am more limber than many of my thinner counterparts, however there are some that work really well for me and my husband and I'd like to share them with you.  Also, there are probably some sex positions that fat people are afraid of because of things they've been told their whole lives about what fat people should and should not do.

Therefore, the first position I would like to talk about is woman-on-top.  Cowgirl position, is a great position for fatties, especially if both partners are fat.  Because the woman can either lean forward or sit straight up, you can really vary the way the position works.  I like to sit straight up because the man can get an awesome view of your bod and in some cases can also stimulate your clitoris.  And if you are afraid that the massive amounts of fat might make it so that penis won't reach vagina (which is a fear put in your head by thin culture, I can assure you) woman on top is great because you can line your parts up and keep your bellies out of it, if that's what you want.  

Ladies, do not be afraid of woman on top, it can be an amazing addition to your sexual repertoire.  Remember my last post, it is okay to be naked.  Don't be afraid of urban sex myths that you'll crush him or that women shouldn't "be in control."  I know it can be hard to put those fears to bed (haha) but you can do it.  This person wants to have sex with you, and I know it is a cliche but it's true:  Confidence is sexy.  

~Mrs. Sprat

Fat Sex Tip #1 - Don't Be Afraid to Be Naked

One of the regular features of this blog is going to be a fat sex tip of the day.  I can think of no better place to start than Don't Be Afraid to Be Naked.

Okay, once in a while totally-clothed-I-have-to-have-you-no-time-for-unbuttoning sex can be amazing, but it should't be the only feature.

Nor should totally dark, "God, I hope the moon isn't out tonight" sex.

Let's face it, even if you wear slimming clothes and all sorts of undergarments, the person who just agreed to have sex with you KNOWS YOU'RE FAT.  And even if he's Mr. Perfect Abs of Steel (or the female equivalent) chances are he or she is not all that perfect naked either, and that's okay.  If this person is into you with your clothes on, their not going to suddenly run away screaming when the clothes come off.  So be naked, be yourself, it feels amazing and it makes sex better.

Just remember, when having sex, leave your clothes (and your insecurities) at the door!

~Mrs. Sprat