Should

I did something I wasn't supposed to do yesterday.  Something that I haven't done in years.  Actually, I'm not really sure if I can remember ever doing it.  I bought... a belt.

Well, actually I bought two belts.

The last time I can remember having a belt, was middle school.  I think I had one of those fabric ones with the metal clasp that just slides and kind of clicks into place. I also think that it came with a pair of pants that I bought, I don't think that I specifically bought it or anything.  At that time I was still occasionally tucking in my shirt, and then "blousing" it out so you couldn't really tell where my stomach was.  (My mom taught me that one.)

I haven't worn a belt (or tucked my shirt in) since.  Now, I guess a small part of that is because I genuinely don't like the look of tucked in shirts.  Honestly, I think it looks kind of nerdy.  But there are definitely times when outfits (especially skirts) call for tucked in shirts.  And I can remember many times walking past the belts in JC Penney longingly, because they had those cute Relic ones with the bottle caps, or hollographic whatevers and I knew I had no use for them.

I mean really, why would a fat person ever need a belt anyway?  Belts hold up your pants, a fat person has fat to do that for them.  (Never mind that my pants are ALWAYS falling down because my butt is flatter than my stomach so I start to slide.)  So I hadn't bought a  belt in years, and I certainly hadn't tucked a shirt either.

It's interesting the rules we follow, without even realizing that we do them sometimes.  I personally never followed the "no-sleeveless" rule, though my mother would force me to wear shawls with nice dresses.  She used to pin them to the dress or (in the case of my middle school graduation) tuck them in through the sleeves.  I never really cared much for that rule mostly because I'm always hot.  I would start to dance at a sweet 16 and it would come un-pinned or else I would just take it off so I could dance more comfortably.  My mother would ask me what happened and I would say that it fell off, and she would just shake her head at me.

But I never wore belts, I knew that was something only thin people did.  And I never wore my shirt tucked in.  I rarely wore dresses until college when a friend re-introduced me to girdles.  And I never, ever, ever did anything (besides shower) without a bra on.

That's another one that I learned from my mother.  She would shower in her bra if she could find a way.  She wears hers to sleep, to the bathroom to take the shower, back out again, in the pool.  Always.  One day a few months after I started wearing training bras, I decided to go a day without one.  I remember, I was wearing a yellow t-shirt and it was a Saturday so it wasn't like anyone was going to see me anyway.

My mother looked me up and down.  "You're not wearing a bra today" she accused.

 "Nah, I thought I'd give it a rest today," I replied.

"You should probably wear one."

 I felt so sad.  I was chained to them now, forever, just like Mom.  It wasn't until Mr. Sprat that I stopped wearing them when I sleep, now, even occasionally when I'm home all day.  It's amazing how fast the scars I was led to believe all big-chested women have faded after I stopped abusing my body.

So eventually, I stopped wearing my bra all the time.  And eventually I started wearing dresses more.  And I started telling Mom it was my own business whether my arms would be covered or not.  And yesterday I bought a belt.  And I bought skirts with the intent to tuck.

For so long, I thought there were just some things I couldn't do because I was fat.   I was told there were some things that just weren't my rights, because I was fat.  But I moved out on my own, and I slept without a bra and I wore dresses and somehow, I found a boyfriend and got married  (and found a wedding dress!) And the police didn't kick in my door and tell me to give it back.   And I realized that maybe I could have anything I wanted, if I just worked at it and surrounded myself with people who would support me.

So yesterday, I bought a belt.

Fat Sex Tip # 5- Intercourse is Overrated

There is a hierarchy that all of us learn when it comes to sex.  First, we kiss, then we touch, then we lick and then we fuck.  Once that last one starts, the others become foreplay, they become additions to the "main event."  We even go so far as to say that someone who has only had oral sex is still "technically a virgin" because they haven't had "real sex" yet.

First of all, to take this position (so to speak) we are coming from a heterosexist viewpoint.  For some types of relationship intercourse is not possible, or is (gasp!) not even desired.  Not all gay men have anal sex.  Not all lesbians use strap ons or other kinds of dildos.  So why then must all heterosexual couples have intercourse?

I want to take a minute to stress that I don't for a second believe that fat people are less capable of having intercourse.  If penis-in-vagina is what does it for you, that's great.  I just want to encourage people to expand their horizons and get rid of this silly hierarchy.  And honestly, I think there are a lot of thin people out there too who would enjoy other types of sex more than intercourse.

One great idea is for the two of you to lie down next to each other, either both on your backs or sides or some combination (I find having Mr. Sprat on his side and me on my back works best for us) and then give hand-jobs to each other at the same time.  It can be a very intimate position because you are both laying close to each other so you can kiss, look into each other's eyes, etc.  At the same time it's a very comfortable position because you are both lying down and relaxing.  For me personally, having sex while both lying down is next to impossible because of my thighs, so this is a great alternative.  Also because you have more control over your motions, you can time it so that you can orgasm together, or so that you can have multiple orgasms.

There are literally thousands of other combinations where you can stimulate each other at the same time or take turns and these often go to the wayside once the big "I" is introduced.  Nothing about mutual masturbation  or oral sex, or 69 isn't sex, it's just a different kind.  And for some people with certain preferences they can be a much more enjoyable experience (I love my husbands penis, but it just doesn't make me orgasm the same way his fingers do!)

So get creative!  If the petting you are doing before intercourse feels amazing, keep doing it!  If you miss the blow jobs you used to get before you got married, ask for one!  Just be sure to reciprocate...

~Mrs. Sprat

Sex Tip #3- Laugh

There is this idea of sex that it has to be serious and romantic in order to be good.  Sometimes that's true.  It can be beautiful to just be swept up and made love to (although notice the lack of consent in this "traditional" model of sex, but that is another post entirely) but talking, experimenting and yes, even laughing can make for a great sex experience.

Many people are too afraid to try something new, for fear of looking foolish or it not working or falling off the bed, etc.  But as your mother always said (oh good, now I've brought up your mother while you're having sex) how do you know it won't work, unless you try it.   Stuff happens.  Sometimes you read about an awesome position and then when you try it there's a scream and a thud.  Don't be discouraged, laugh it off, and try something else.  Just because you've found something that leads to orgasm every time, doesn't mean you should stop looking.  Laughing during sex can cement bonds and strengthen relationships, no matter what Hollywood tells you.

Also, laughter feels good.  Sex feels good.  It is natural to combine the two.  So go ahead, laugh when one of you starts making a squishy noise.  Laugh when one of you trips, or makes a funny face or farts in the middle of doggie style.  The alternatives are far more dangerous.

~Mrs. Sprat

Fat Sex Tip #2- Position, Position Position

I don't want to imply that fat people can't use the same positions as so-called "fit" people, and I myself am more limber than many of my thinner counterparts, however there are some that work really well for me and my husband and I'd like to share them with you.  Also, there are probably some sex positions that fat people are afraid of because of things they've been told their whole lives about what fat people should and should not do.

Therefore, the first position I would like to talk about is woman-on-top.  Cowgirl position, is a great position for fatties, especially if both partners are fat.  Because the woman can either lean forward or sit straight up, you can really vary the way the position works.  I like to sit straight up because the man can get an awesome view of your bod and in some cases can also stimulate your clitoris.  And if you are afraid that the massive amounts of fat might make it so that penis won't reach vagina (which is a fear put in your head by thin culture, I can assure you) woman on top is great because you can line your parts up and keep your bellies out of it, if that's what you want.  

Ladies, do not be afraid of woman on top, it can be an amazing addition to your sexual repertoire.  Remember my last post, it is okay to be naked.  Don't be afraid of urban sex myths that you'll crush him or that women shouldn't "be in control."  I know it can be hard to put those fears to bed (haha) but you can do it.  This person wants to have sex with you, and I know it is a cliche but it's true:  Confidence is sexy.  

~Mrs. Sprat