Fat Fashion Friday 5

Cardigan/T-shirt/Leggings- Old Navy

Skirt- Fashion Bug

Shoes- Target

I wasn't sure about the bolero-style cardigan but it really works well with a-line dresses and skirts so it doesn't get in the way of the shape it makes.  I know it's a little thing but I also love the gray/black alternating, I think it's fun.

Sorry this post is a little late everyone, things are kind of crazy around here.  Have a fantastic weekend!

~Mrs. Sprat

Fat Sex Tip #7- Masturbate!

First, I want to thank everyone for sticking with me through my Know Your Vulva series.  For many, it may not seem like a big deal, but it is a huge issue for me so I wanted to put it out there for everyone.  Now that we know our vulvas it's time to get back to putting them in good use.

Masturbation!

Masturbation is great because it:  Relieves stress, is not a huge time commitment, helps you learn what you like and is just plain fun.  There are a lot of people out there think that masturbation is just something you do until you get a partner, but there's no reason to stop then.  Sometimes he or she might not be around or in the mood, or sometimes YOU JUST WANT ALONE TIME.  That's perfectly natural.  In a relationship with open communication it should be fine to say "hey I want to have some "me" sex."

For fatties, there can be some obstacles to "traditional" masturbation, but there are many ways to jack it, so have no fear!  I personal lay on my back, and reach my arm around the side of my stomach to the clitoris.  However, I'm sure there are some men and women out there who maybe can't reach or get the right angle that way.  One thing you can do is use a toy that has a handle, thereby giving you an extra few inches, so to speak.  I have one vibrator that is like your basic bullet vibe, but it is on a long coil.  You can bend the coil until it reaches your clitoris but be able to just rest your hand higher on the thigh or even belly.  Also, get creative!  You don't need to spend money on vibrators.  Try electric toothbrushes (wash before using them for their "intended" purpose).  Water massagers can be great!  Lay in the tub with your feet planted on the wall of the bathtub then angle the water so it hits your clitoris, labia, vagina, whatever you like.  Or just run the faucet.

Also, we tend to think that there is only one position for masturbation.  Experiment.  Try standing in the shower, if you don't fit right or feel comfortable in the tub.  Try laying on your stomach or side.  I've even masturbated doggie-style:  Prop yourself up with some pillows and reach yourself that way.  Sitting straight up in a chair or against pillows on the bed might work too.

Guys out there, don't think I've forgotten you in a sea of vulvas and vibrators.  There are many mens toys out there that can help fat men as well.  The Fleshlight immediately comes to mind, but also, don't rule out vibrators, they can feel great for men as well.  Vibrating cockrings can provide some interesting sensations and even that water massager aimed at your perineum (grundle or taint) or testicles or anus can really provide a  lot of stimulation.  If you have trouble reaching or providing enough thrust, try "humping" something, like the edge of the bed or a pillow.  Ladies:  That goes for you too, a lot of women hump to achieve orgasm, just because it doesn't seem ladylike is no reason not to try it.

A lot of times, once we find one thing that works for us we stick to it.  Why be disappointed, right?  But there are many ways to masturbate and as our bodies grow and age and change, different techniques work differently.  What do you all do?  Do you find that you have different needs because your fat?  Tell me about them!

Also, for further reading check out Notblueatall's TMI Tuesday about Masturbation.

Happy Humping!
~Mrs. Sprat

Fat Fashion Friday 4

Hey all!  Here's a quick OOTD to kick off the weekend.  

Sharkbite Tee/ Earrings/ Necklace- Fashion Bug

Jeans- Old Navy

Shoes- Sears

Sorry the pic is so dark, my camera is a strange little monkey sometimes.  I seriously can't get enough of these sharkbite t-shirts.  They are so comfortable, but you look like a million bucks in them!  The necklace is also totally fabulous, it is a class heart in the middle with two beaded chains around it, super cute!  Here's a close up of it!

Also, be sure to check out The Rotund's latest post about normalizing our bodies.  There are some AMAZING outfits on there!

Have a great weekend!

~Mrs. Sprat

Know Your Vulva Part 6- How Can We Help?

How can we help other women who hate their bodies?  The first thing we can do is love ours, unconditionally.  The second thing we can do is talk.  Talk to your friends, partners and family.  Use the term vulva, not vagina and talk about why it is important to know your vulva as you know your face.  If you have friends who would be willing, have a vulva circle, where you take turns passing the hand mirror around and look at each others vulvas. Remind women that there is no shame in having a vulva and that they are all beautiful. For further reading, look into Betty Dodson's work, especially Sex for One or if you can find the video Viva La Vulva.  Understand that many women have very complex relationships with vulvas and be patient if they are scared, grossed out or indifferent.

Tell people about labiaplasty and why you think it is wrong.  Encourage discussion about plastic surgery in general and how it affects women.  Talk about female genital mutilation or female circumcision.  Talk about how wonderful it is to have an organ that's only function is pleasure (the clitoris, of course!)

Refuse anything less than comprehensive sexuality education and don't be afraid to let those in Washington know.  Currently, millions of dollars go into abstinence-only based education which often does not discuss female pleasure at all.  Demand that educators use a variety of models and diagrams, not just thin, white men and women with sanitized genitalia.  Insist on your children learning the words penis and vulva as they would learn fingers and toes.

But most of all, walk tall.  Be proud.  You are a woman.  You have a vulva and it is beautiful, just like the rest of you.

Love,
Mrs. Sprat

Know Your Vulva Part 5: What Can We Do?

After reading my last four posts about this topic, you may be feeling pretty hopeless.  How can we change a system that brings us down practically from birth?  How can we undo all of the damage done to us from our mothers, teachers, friends, the media and society?

As you may have guessed by now, the answer is to Know Your Vulva.

Take a hand-mirror, or other mirror that you can adjust-- I recommend a lighted-makeup mirror because it can stand on its own, which is great for fatties especially-- and put it between your legs. (It might also be helpful to look up or print out an anatomy diagram just in case some of the terminology is foreign to you.)  Put your legs as far apart as you can, with your feet flat on the floor and your knees bent.  First, just look at your vulva as is, don't use your hands just yet.  Notice what color your outer lips are, how much pubic hair you have, whether or not you can see your inner lips or your clitoris without using your fingers.  Then gently pull apart the outer lips with two fingers (or each hand if you are using a hands-free mirror.)  Look at your clitoral hood.  What color is it?  Can you see the clitoris without touching the hood or do you need to move the hood back?  Look at your inner lips.  Are they the same size?  Is one larger?  What color are they?  How do they feel when you touch them?  Look at the opening of your vagina.  Is it partially covered?  Can you see inside at all?  What color is it?

At this point if you are so inclined, you can masturbate while looking in the mirror.  Notice the changes of your inner lips and clitoris, notice whether fluid is coming out of the vagina and if so how much and what color.  Another thing you can do if you have a plastic speculum is you can set that up and look at your cervix.  Checking your cervix is a great way to monitor your pelvic health as well as your menstrual cycle.  Check out The Beautiful Cervix Project for more information about cervical health.

Don't just do this once, do it regularly.  Do it at different points in your cycle.  Do it with a partner or close friend.  Do it until you know what your vulva looks like as well as you know what your face looks like.  Do it until you love your vulva and until you feel comfortable looking at it.  Do it until you don't feel the shame anymore.  And then it's time to spread the word!

Up Next:  How can we help others?

Food Friday

This week was my spring break from school, so between having no class this week and only working shipment at ON (read:  wear the most comfortable clothes they let you) I haven't really had any outfits worthy of a Fat Fashion Friday.  So I thought this week we could instead talk about food, since Lipid Love's subtitle says food, but I haven't actually talked about it yet.

My mom doesn't cook. Now, I don't think that everyone on earth needs to be able to cook.  If you hate cooking and you have the means not to, by all means eat out every night.  However, I don't think it could hurt for everyone to have basic cooking skills, whether or not they choose to use them.  And if you can't afford to go out to eat every night, you owe it to yourself to learn.  (If it's a choice between going out for Chinese or going to college, you probably should pick college...)

Later, when she eventually went back to work after my father moved out, we basically ordered in most nights of the week.  We ate Wendy's two nights a week and then Italian and Chinese with TV dinners to make up the rest of it.  In hindsight, I think my mother has a really complicated relationship with food.  Honestly, I think she hates it, and then if she finds she likes something, she feels really guilty about liking it.  We were accused of being hungry all the time and told we should eat less. I would ask for chicken soup when I was sick and she would tell me that if I was really sick, I wouldn't be hungry.

Then when I went to college, I discovered all kinds of food that I loved!  I remember one of the things was stir-fry.  I would make them for myself for lunch when I came home from college.  "Why are you eating that?"  Mom and my brother would say, and call me weird.  I would have thought they would be happy that I was eating vegetables instead of pizza rolls, since they constantly called me fat but somehow I ended up criticized for it.

The amazing thing is, that despite all of that, I love food.  I didn't inherit my mothers feelings about it at all.  And, the more amazing thing is that I love to cook.  True, I do still like to go out or order in sometimes (who doesn't) and working retail sometimes takes my drive to cook away from me, but generally I love it.  My favorite food has always been pasta and now I love making all kinds of homemade dishes with pasta as the main ingredient.  My favorite meal is Chicken Parmesan, but I have never made it myself satisfactorily.  I love to make soups and stews and I'm slowly getting past my fear of making potatoes.  I also love to make Asian food, so I make a lot of stir-frys and other Asian-inspired dishes.  Recently, I've started experimenting with making veggie mixes and then freezing them to use in different dishes.  I like it because I can leave out the ones I don't like then use the mix to put into dishes or have as a side with lunch or dinner.

I do still like the processed foods of my childhood every so often like Pasta-Roni or Hamburger Helper or Uncle Ben's rice.  And I think that's okay.  I don't wish that I had never had those foods in childhood, I just wish I'd had homemade things too.  I wish that my mother could love food instead of forcing herself to eat every once in-a-while and then sometimes "indulging" in her favorite chicken masala, only to feel guilty later.  In this culture, it is not good to like things that you do everyday.  If you like to eat or sleep, it is a moral failing.  But we do these things EVERY DAY, wouldn't we all be a lot happier if we liked it?

Have a great weekend!
~Mrs. Sprat

Know Your Vulva Part 3: Labiaplasty

Negative messages about women's body come from everywhere.  As we've seen, our mothers tell us our body is dirty and then society denies our vulvas even exist.  On TV (and in porn) women are portrayed as having a smooth line in bathing suits and skimpy outfits, there is nothing else "down there."

The medical industry does nothing to refute these claims.  In fact they capitalize on them.  Plastic surgeons have a long history with exploiting or even creating medical disorders to promote surgeries.  When there was some question as to the safety of breast implants, doctors invented a disease called "micromastia" claiming that many women suffered from it and that implants were the cure.  Suddenly a ton of women who simply had small breasts now had a medical disease.  (Sound familiar?  Remember when BMI suddenly made everyone obese?)

Labiaplasty is a relatively new surgery in which the inner labia are cut down.  Again, doctors use the concept of "normal" to justify the surgery saying that inner labia that extend past the outer are "not necessary."  Furthermore, since female genitals are described as an absence, long inner lips can be seen as being masculine.  Anything that juts out or is bumpy is somehow wrong (unless it's breasts or butts.)  There are other types of genital surgery including sewing up of the hymen and other "vaginal rejuvenation."  Labiaplasty is the fastest-growing plastic surgery in the US today.  This means that while other plastic surgeries are currently being performed more frequently, the number of labiaplasties is steadily rising.

As with any genital surgery, there are many risks.  The labia are very sensitive to pleasure, in fact the legs of the clitoris are located underneath the labia minora.  Cutting them off can cause a loss of pleasure, painful intercourse, among other problems.  The really unfortunate part is that the surgery does nothing to correct the real problem and many women continue to be dissatisfied after the surgery.  One study found that two of the 16 women they talked with had a second surgery to further "correct the problem."  The real problem is body image, and no surgery in the world can correct that.

As a side note, Female genital mutilation is often talked about as being such a horrible, barbaric procedure.  (For those who don't know, it is practiced in Africa among other places and involves cutting all the external genitalia off of young girls.)  There are charitable organizations here in the US that try to go into Africa and stop the procedure.  While I do agree that it shouldn't be done, I think we need to take a hard look at what we do here in the United States.

Some would argue that the girls in Africa have no choice and that women here have a choice.  But if we are constantly being manipulated by our parents, teachers, doctors, the media and society as a whole then what kind of choice is that?  It is the same as being told that lap-band surgery is a choice.  If we do not have all the information, it is no choice at all.

Up Next:  Know Your Vulva:  What Can We Do?