Women as Gatekeepers

Sorry for the lack of posting, school has officially started and the way my classes are structured means a lot of work now, but a lot less after Nov 1.  

In class a couple of weekends ago, one of my fellow students brought up a study that indicates that men in committed relationships live longer than their single counterparts.  She "proved" this to be true by telling us what her boyfriend wants to eat vs. what she makes him eat.  

We have seen this a lot before:  Hillary Clinton was blamed for Bill Clinton's weight gain during his presidency and charged with getting him to lose weight and eat "better."  Michelle Obama not only puts her children on very public diets but also has to control the President's eating as well.  Even in my own family, my in-laws make comments such as "she feeds you well" while looking at Mr. Sprat's protruding belly, etc.  

Let's take a step back and remember that these are grown men we are talking about.  Grown men do not need women to "feed them."  Plain and simple.  Men are just as capable at making food choices as women are.  Granted, because of the diet culture in this country, neither are really fully equipped, but that still proves my point.  A man who eats nothing but pizza is no worse off than a man who's wife makes him eat nothing but salads.  

But this is not new ground, we've discussed this before.  Women are seen as gatekeepers.  As with sexuality (delaying intercourse), women are socialized to believe that they have to take care of a man and make sure that he doesn't do anything reckless, in addition to taking care of herself.  

What really got me angry though, was the assumption that it was dietary choices that led the married men to live longer.  Again, we see the conflation of eating and health.  A person who eats certain foods will not live as long as those who abstain, and since it is the wife's job to control these eating habits, she is charged with his life.  

Maybe the reason the partnered men lived longer is because of the effects of love on brain chemistry.  Maybe it is because routine is comforting or somehow safer.  Maybe (though I personally find this dubious as well) it is because they are less likely to contract an STD.  Maybe the study was poorly conducted and all the partnered people in it also shared similar socioeconomic backgrounds or other factors.  Or maybe, men who live longer are more likely to get married and not the other way around.  Any way you look at it, diet is just one possibility in why the study turned out the way it did. 

I don't know.  I haven't read the study, though I've heard it mentioned a number of times, always to prove a different point.  I only know what I heard, which was more conflating weight and food choices with health and more affirming of women as gatekeepers, who must protect men from everything from sex to food, while simultaneously protecting themselves.  Those roles are not good for men and they certainly aren't very good for women either.  Couples need to support each other in however they choose to eat and single people should not be shamed into relationships to prevent death.  If everyone were more confident on how to feed themselves, the diet industry would have much less of a hold on people and that would be a wonderful thing.  

Fat Sex Tip #7- Masturbate!

First, I want to thank everyone for sticking with me through my Know Your Vulva series.  For many, it may not seem like a big deal, but it is a huge issue for me so I wanted to put it out there for everyone.  Now that we know our vulvas it's time to get back to putting them in good use.

Masturbation!

Masturbation is great because it:  Relieves stress, is not a huge time commitment, helps you learn what you like and is just plain fun.  There are a lot of people out there think that masturbation is just something you do until you get a partner, but there's no reason to stop then.  Sometimes he or she might not be around or in the mood, or sometimes YOU JUST WANT ALONE TIME.  That's perfectly natural.  In a relationship with open communication it should be fine to say "hey I want to have some "me" sex."

For fatties, there can be some obstacles to "traditional" masturbation, but there are many ways to jack it, so have no fear!  I personal lay on my back, and reach my arm around the side of my stomach to the clitoris.  However, I'm sure there are some men and women out there who maybe can't reach or get the right angle that way.  One thing you can do is use a toy that has a handle, thereby giving you an extra few inches, so to speak.  I have one vibrator that is like your basic bullet vibe, but it is on a long coil.  You can bend the coil until it reaches your clitoris but be able to just rest your hand higher on the thigh or even belly.  Also, get creative!  You don't need to spend money on vibrators.  Try electric toothbrushes (wash before using them for their "intended" purpose).  Water massagers can be great!  Lay in the tub with your feet planted on the wall of the bathtub then angle the water so it hits your clitoris, labia, vagina, whatever you like.  Or just run the faucet.

Also, we tend to think that there is only one position for masturbation.  Experiment.  Try standing in the shower, if you don't fit right or feel comfortable in the tub.  Try laying on your stomach or side.  I've even masturbated doggie-style:  Prop yourself up with some pillows and reach yourself that way.  Sitting straight up in a chair or against pillows on the bed might work too.

Guys out there, don't think I've forgotten you in a sea of vulvas and vibrators.  There are many mens toys out there that can help fat men as well.  The Fleshlight immediately comes to mind, but also, don't rule out vibrators, they can feel great for men as well.  Vibrating cockrings can provide some interesting sensations and even that water massager aimed at your perineum (grundle or taint) or testicles or anus can really provide a  lot of stimulation.  If you have trouble reaching or providing enough thrust, try "humping" something, like the edge of the bed or a pillow.  Ladies:  That goes for you too, a lot of women hump to achieve orgasm, just because it doesn't seem ladylike is no reason not to try it.

A lot of times, once we find one thing that works for us we stick to it.  Why be disappointed, right?  But there are many ways to masturbate and as our bodies grow and age and change, different techniques work differently.  What do you all do?  Do you find that you have different needs because your fat?  Tell me about them!

Also, for further reading check out Notblueatall's TMI Tuesday about Masturbation.

Happy Humping!
~Mrs. Sprat