When I was a girl, I always wanted baby dolls for Christmas. Usually several. I always loved baby dolls and playing mommy. The Christmas I was either 8 or 9, I started pretending that I was pregnant the month or so before Christmas, knowing that I was going to get baby dolls soon. Mostly, I did it at home having the vague sense that pretending to be pregnant at school would probably get me in trouble. I would walk tilted, jutting my belly out and putting a hand on my rounded stomach every now and then. I would imagine that I could feel my baby (or babies) kicking. I loved it. I couldn't wait to really be pregnant. Of course, my mom found me out and yelled at me that that was not an okay game to play, which I didn't quite understand, but in my mind, I maintained this fantasy.
I have romanticized pregnancy ever since and until very recently, I never knew quite why. No matter what people told me about how painful and unpleasant pregnancy was, I always wanted to be pregnant anyway. I mean, now that I'm married, we have a plan that does not include babies for another four or five years, but I still yearn to be pregnant. In one of my classes this semester it suddenly occurred to me why this was. I wanted to be pregnant because it was the one time that it was okay to be fat. It is the one time of your life that you could wear shirts that show off your big belly, instead of hiding it. It is the one time of your life where strangers touch your belly and get a happy look in their eyes. It is the one time of your life where you can eat whatever you want at whatever time you want and people treat you like you are doing something wonderful and selfless. I wanted to be pregnant because it was the only way that I thought I could be fat AND happy.
~Mrs. Sprat
Honestly, I romanticize pregnancy (and at 26, I've done it. Twice!) but because it's romantic to create another human being, to love someone enough to make another person with them.
ReplyDeleteBeing pregnant, however...I was worried constantly. Not just because I have suffered a miscarriage before, but that was part of it. But I felt the need to do anything I could "right". I exercised religiously (walking) and watched what I ate more (I had very mild Gd with my second pregnancy), everything that I normally would NOT worry about myself, I worried about it's impact on the baby I was carrying. If I get to do it again, I hope I get several months of foreplanning, because I feel as though I NEED to get into very good shape before doing it again (it's actually a good deal of hardwork...no joke...)
Wow! That makes a lot of sense when I consider the social ways we welcome and treat pregnant women. Trying to feed and comfort her, to hold and love and touch her (belly)...I hadn't considered this. Thank you for the eye opener.
ReplyDeleteI'm still on the fence about babies, but I am all about being fat and happy! <3