I used to think that I didn't like butter. We always had the fake-est of fake spreads in my house growing up. And they tasted okay. And whenever I was exposed to real butter at restaurants, it was so hard to spread and, I thought, it didn't really taste that good anyway.
I was never a huge dieter, but there were always certain things that I didn't like and I would argue to people who would try to convince me to like them, that they just added extra calories I didn't need anyway. The best example is my distaste for condiments (ketchup, mayo, mustard, salad dressing). My mom would tell me to "learn salad dressing" and I would ask her why she was trying to get me to eat more calories, when in general she would try to get me to diet.
Though no one was ever trying to get me to like real butter, I think I probably told myself the same thing. "The fake spread is good enough and it doesn't have all those calories!" But as I started reading more Fat Acceptance literature, it became clear to me that I might just be a hypocrite for using Benecol. So I decided to try spreadable butter with canola oil.
I can't believe I ever thought I Can't Believe It's Not Butter was good. This butter is so creamy and salty and delicious, it's like I've never had a slice of buttered bread before. I literally close my eyes when I eat some on a roll, it's so good. I think I used the spreading issue as an excuse not to "waste anymore calories," and I always preferred real butter, I just told myself I didn't. I told myself that it was good enough.
What about you guys? What foods did you convince yourself you liked in the name of dieting? What did you tell yourself, wasn't good, but good enough? What foods have you discovered since?
Showing posts with label fats family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fats family. Show all posts
Friday, July 1, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Fat Sex Tip #8- Don't Settle
I was looking through my old journal from the summer when I was 15 and I found this one section that I wanted to share with you:
"What guy would be interested in me? I'm fat, ugly and loud. Even a great sense of humor (and mine is only good, not great) can't make up for that. I guess I was sort of hoping that because no one else in their right mind would like him, might make him settle, but I guess he has one ounce of pride. He deserves better than me anyway."
One moment of introspection in an otherwise pretty boring journal. (As I was reading it I kept wishing I'd written more about myself and less about him, but I was 15 so I guess I wasn't ready for that quite yet.)
Settling. It's what all fat women are expected to do. We're expected to go with whoever will give us a second glance, gay or straight, nice or not-so-nice, into us or using us, it doesn't matter. Someone who stalks you is at least giving you attention, rape becomes a compliment. It has to stop.
Don't settle. Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby talk about this in Lessons from the Fat-o-Sphere, which I finally read last week! "You are not allowed to settle for someone who is not totally crazy about you and your naked body." It can be hard to remember (and I think here is where an "It gets better" campaign for fat teens would come in handy) that once you reach a certain age, people will be interested in you for a variety of different reasons and one reason might impact the way they view the rest of you. There will be people out there who will just like you. You will have another boyfriend if you turn down the guy who won't be seen in public with you. You will get laid again if you turn down the married guy in your office whose "wife just doesn't understand him." You will. There is not one single person who will complete your whole life, there are many who would share your life with you and make you happy. You will find at least one of these people in your lifetime.
Don't settle for bad sex, either. Again, it can be easy to say, "well he's probably the last guy who will ever be interested in me so I'll just not have good sex." No. Don't even think about it. First of all, you have to remember that sex (despite it's being the "most natural thing in the world" hardy-har-har) or being good at sex, is not innate. Every man is different and every woman is different, so you need to communicate with each other and be willing to seek information first. That being said, if you have tried these things (or if he or she is unwilling or unable to talk about or consider them) you need to move on. Bad sex is not your fault if you tried to work on it, even if you are the fat partner. You will get laid again, by someone who knows what they are doing, so don't settle.
Kate and Marianne make an excellent point, however, that it is important to think about what you want and don't want in a partner and be willing to expand your horizons. At first when I read this, I though "so don't settle but remember to settle," but they have a good point. Why do you like only tall men? Because society, the media, They, told you to. Why rule out a short guy automatically? It's the same as him ruling you out because you're fat. It's important to remember that those messages that everyone else is getting (Be thin, white and straight and you're life will be great! Hey that rhymes, I should get into advertising!) you got them for a long time, too. And you internalized them. And you may not realize it but the reason you are only interested in men who make more money than you is because someone else told you that good women want that. It's crap. Give them a chance, but reserve the right to say thanks but no thanks, if they turn out not to be compatible with you sexually, or otherwise.
I can still remember my mother's dismissive laughs when I told her about a guy I liked or that I thought the guy might like me back. I can remember even more clearly the day that I called her to tell her I had started dating the guy who would become my husband.
Me: "Mom, I have good news. I have a boyfriend."
Mom: "What, a real one?"
There is someone (several people in fact) out there for everyone, regardless of if you are fat or thin, have tattoos, wear high-heels, talk with a lisp, have a peg-leg, are crazy about baseball or HATE condiments. You will get laid again if you pass up someone who will treat you wrong. And if you have the confidence to know that and to go after what you want, it will be that much easier for you.
Love,
Mrs. Sprat
"What guy would be interested in me? I'm fat, ugly and loud. Even a great sense of humor (and mine is only good, not great) can't make up for that. I guess I was sort of hoping that because no one else in their right mind would like him, might make him settle, but I guess he has one ounce of pride. He deserves better than me anyway."
One moment of introspection in an otherwise pretty boring journal. (As I was reading it I kept wishing I'd written more about myself and less about him, but I was 15 so I guess I wasn't ready for that quite yet.)
Settling. It's what all fat women are expected to do. We're expected to go with whoever will give us a second glance, gay or straight, nice or not-so-nice, into us or using us, it doesn't matter. Someone who stalks you is at least giving you attention, rape becomes a compliment. It has to stop.
Don't settle. Kate Harding and Marianne Kirby talk about this in Lessons from the Fat-o-Sphere, which I finally read last week! "You are not allowed to settle for someone who is not totally crazy about you and your naked body." It can be hard to remember (and I think here is where an "It gets better" campaign for fat teens would come in handy) that once you reach a certain age, people will be interested in you for a variety of different reasons and one reason might impact the way they view the rest of you. There will be people out there who will just like you. You will have another boyfriend if you turn down the guy who won't be seen in public with you. You will get laid again if you turn down the married guy in your office whose "wife just doesn't understand him." You will. There is not one single person who will complete your whole life, there are many who would share your life with you and make you happy. You will find at least one of these people in your lifetime.
Don't settle for bad sex, either. Again, it can be easy to say, "well he's probably the last guy who will ever be interested in me so I'll just not have good sex." No. Don't even think about it. First of all, you have to remember that sex (despite it's being the "most natural thing in the world" hardy-har-har) or being good at sex, is not innate. Every man is different and every woman is different, so you need to communicate with each other and be willing to seek information first. That being said, if you have tried these things (or if he or she is unwilling or unable to talk about or consider them) you need to move on. Bad sex is not your fault if you tried to work on it, even if you are the fat partner. You will get laid again, by someone who knows what they are doing, so don't settle.
Kate and Marianne make an excellent point, however, that it is important to think about what you want and don't want in a partner and be willing to expand your horizons. At first when I read this, I though "so don't settle but remember to settle," but they have a good point. Why do you like only tall men? Because society, the media, They, told you to. Why rule out a short guy automatically? It's the same as him ruling you out because you're fat. It's important to remember that those messages that everyone else is getting (Be thin, white and straight and you're life will be great! Hey that rhymes, I should get into advertising!) you got them for a long time, too. And you internalized them. And you may not realize it but the reason you are only interested in men who make more money than you is because someone else told you that good women want that. It's crap. Give them a chance, but reserve the right to say thanks but no thanks, if they turn out not to be compatible with you sexually, or otherwise.
I can still remember my mother's dismissive laughs when I told her about a guy I liked or that I thought the guy might like me back. I can remember even more clearly the day that I called her to tell her I had started dating the guy who would become my husband.
Me: "Mom, I have good news. I have a boyfriend."
Mom: "What, a real one?"
There is someone (several people in fact) out there for everyone, regardless of if you are fat or thin, have tattoos, wear high-heels, talk with a lisp, have a peg-leg, are crazy about baseball or HATE condiments. You will get laid again if you pass up someone who will treat you wrong. And if you have the confidence to know that and to go after what you want, it will be that much easier for you.
Love,
Mrs. Sprat
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Quick Roundup
Hello all! I am down to two papers and two finals and still plugging along. But the good news is that I will most likely have all of May, June, July and August off from school so expect a TON of blogging then. For now I'll will give you a short round-up.
FatHeffalump continues to inspire me with this post. If you have come here accidentally or still feel unsure of what FA is all about please read!
Brian at RedNo.3 has started (or restarted) a hashtag on Twitter called #thingsfatpeoplearetold. If you are a tweeter, go check it out. If not, check out his blog. It is both extremely sad (or anger-provoking) and beautiful at the same time. It is amazing how many people have shared these experiences. It's such a relief not to suffer in silence anymore.
Over the weekend I went to NYC to see BroFats (my brother) perform in a Jazz Combos concert. While I was there I had breakfast at Friendly's. You who else was there? The calories from every dish on the menu. I hadn't seen any of those menus yet and I have to say that even though I was never a huge calorie counter, it was a little triggering for me. I kept thinking, why should I waste this many calories on breakfast if I don't even like breakfast that much? And then I reminded myself that calories are an invention and if I eat until I'm full and then stop, I'll be okay. It was harder than I thought.
Finally, I am wondering how much the world would be benefited by schools teaching better communication in their classes. For one of my many papers, I am dealing with teaching the different communication styles: assertive, aggressive, passive and passive-agressive, and how to become more assertive. One of the ways to be more assertive is to use "I" statements. I think diet talk would be far more tolerable if people used "I" statements. For example, when I was visiting my brother he mentioned that he doesn't eat much meat anymore. "You'd be surprised at how much better you feel." I responded by telling him I was uncomfortable talking about it (I am not "out" about FA to my family). If he had said "I was surprised at how much better I felt" then I could have said "well I feel much better when I do eat meat." And we might have been able to leave it at that. Your experience is not everyone else's. Likewise, I am sure that someone (the media, a friend, etc) told him that he would feel better, so he thinks he does because someone else said "you" instead of "I." What other ways do you think "I" statements can be helpful in FA?
That's all for now! Maybe on Friday some pics of the Grad Ball and my trip upstate!
Love,
Mrs. Sprat
FatHeffalump continues to inspire me with this post. If you have come here accidentally or still feel unsure of what FA is all about please read!
Brian at RedNo.3 has started (or restarted) a hashtag on Twitter called #thingsfatpeoplearetold. If you are a tweeter, go check it out. If not, check out his blog. It is both extremely sad (or anger-provoking) and beautiful at the same time. It is amazing how many people have shared these experiences. It's such a relief not to suffer in silence anymore.
Over the weekend I went to NYC to see BroFats (my brother) perform in a Jazz Combos concert. While I was there I had breakfast at Friendly's. You who else was there? The calories from every dish on the menu. I hadn't seen any of those menus yet and I have to say that even though I was never a huge calorie counter, it was a little triggering for me. I kept thinking, why should I waste this many calories on breakfast if I don't even like breakfast that much? And then I reminded myself that calories are an invention and if I eat until I'm full and then stop, I'll be okay. It was harder than I thought.
Finally, I am wondering how much the world would be benefited by schools teaching better communication in their classes. For one of my many papers, I am dealing with teaching the different communication styles: assertive, aggressive, passive and passive-agressive, and how to become more assertive. One of the ways to be more assertive is to use "I" statements. I think diet talk would be far more tolerable if people used "I" statements. For example, when I was visiting my brother he mentioned that he doesn't eat much meat anymore. "You'd be surprised at how much better you feel." I responded by telling him I was uncomfortable talking about it (I am not "out" about FA to my family). If he had said "I was surprised at how much better I felt" then I could have said "well I feel much better when I do eat meat." And we might have been able to leave it at that. Your experience is not everyone else's. Likewise, I am sure that someone (the media, a friend, etc) told him that he would feel better, so he thinks he does because someone else said "you" instead of "I." What other ways do you think "I" statements can be helpful in FA?
That's all for now! Maybe on Friday some pics of the Grad Ball and my trip upstate!
Love,
Mrs. Sprat
Friday, February 4, 2011
Should
I did something I wasn't supposed to do yesterday. Something that I haven't done in years. Actually, I'm not really sure if I can remember ever doing it. I bought... a belt.
Well, actually I bought two belts.
The last time I can remember having a belt, was middle school. I think I had one of those fabric ones with the metal clasp that just slides and kind of clicks into place. I also think that it came with a pair of pants that I bought, I don't think that I specifically bought it or anything. At that time I was still occasionally tucking in my shirt, and then "blousing" it out so you couldn't really tell where my stomach was. (My mom taught me that one.)
I haven't worn a belt (or tucked my shirt in) since. Now, I guess a small part of that is because I genuinely don't like the look of tucked in shirts. Honestly, I think it looks kind of nerdy. But there are definitely times when outfits (especially skirts) call for tucked in shirts. And I can remember many times walking past the belts in JC Penney longingly, because they had those cute Relic ones with the bottle caps, or hollographic whatevers and I knew I had no use for them.
I mean really, why would a fat person ever need a belt anyway? Belts hold up your pants, a fat person has fat to do that for them. (Never mind that my pants are ALWAYS falling down because my butt is flatter than my stomach so I start to slide.) So I hadn't bought a belt in years, and I certainly hadn't tucked a shirt either.
It's interesting the rules we follow, without even realizing that we do them sometimes. I personally never followed the "no-sleeveless" rule, though my mother would force me to wear shawls with nice dresses. She used to pin them to the dress or (in the case of my middle school graduation) tuck them in through the sleeves. I never really cared much for that rule mostly because I'm always hot. I would start to dance at a sweet 16 and it would come un-pinned or else I would just take it off so I could dance more comfortably. My mother would ask me what happened and I would say that it fell off, and she would just shake her head at me.
But I never wore belts, I knew that was something only thin people did. And I never wore my shirt tucked in. I rarely wore dresses until college when a friend re-introduced me to girdles. And I never, ever, ever did anything (besides shower) without a bra on.
That's another one that I learned from my mother. She would shower in her bra if she could find a way. She wears hers to sleep, to the bathroom to take the shower, back out again, in the pool. Always. One day a few months after I started wearing training bras, I decided to go a day without one. I remember, I was wearing a yellow t-shirt and it was a Saturday so it wasn't like anyone was going to see me anyway.
My mother looked me up and down. "You're not wearing a bra today" she accused.
"Nah, I thought I'd give it a rest today," I replied.
"You should probably wear one."
I felt so sad. I was chained to them now, forever, just like Mom. It wasn't until Mr. Sprat that I stopped wearing them when I sleep, now, even occasionally when I'm home all day. It's amazing how fast the scars I was led to believe all big-chested women have faded after I stopped abusing my body.
So eventually, I stopped wearing my bra all the time. And eventually I started wearing dresses more. And I started telling Mom it was my own business whether my arms would be covered or not. And yesterday I bought a belt. And I bought skirts with the intent to tuck.
For so long, I thought there were just some things I couldn't do because I was fat. I was told there were some things that just weren't my rights, because I was fat. But I moved out on my own, and I slept without a bra and I wore dresses and somehow, I found a boyfriend and got married (and found a wedding dress!) And the police didn't kick in my door and tell me to give it back. And I realized that maybe I could have anything I wanted, if I just worked at it and surrounded myself with people who would support me.
So yesterday, I bought a belt.
Well, actually I bought two belts.
The last time I can remember having a belt, was middle school. I think I had one of those fabric ones with the metal clasp that just slides and kind of clicks into place. I also think that it came with a pair of pants that I bought, I don't think that I specifically bought it or anything. At that time I was still occasionally tucking in my shirt, and then "blousing" it out so you couldn't really tell where my stomach was. (My mom taught me that one.)
I haven't worn a belt (or tucked my shirt in) since. Now, I guess a small part of that is because I genuinely don't like the look of tucked in shirts. Honestly, I think it looks kind of nerdy. But there are definitely times when outfits (especially skirts) call for tucked in shirts. And I can remember many times walking past the belts in JC Penney longingly, because they had those cute Relic ones with the bottle caps, or hollographic whatevers and I knew I had no use for them.
I mean really, why would a fat person ever need a belt anyway? Belts hold up your pants, a fat person has fat to do that for them. (Never mind that my pants are ALWAYS falling down because my butt is flatter than my stomach so I start to slide.) So I hadn't bought a belt in years, and I certainly hadn't tucked a shirt either.
It's interesting the rules we follow, without even realizing that we do them sometimes. I personally never followed the "no-sleeveless" rule, though my mother would force me to wear shawls with nice dresses. She used to pin them to the dress or (in the case of my middle school graduation) tuck them in through the sleeves. I never really cared much for that rule mostly because I'm always hot. I would start to dance at a sweet 16 and it would come un-pinned or else I would just take it off so I could dance more comfortably. My mother would ask me what happened and I would say that it fell off, and she would just shake her head at me.
But I never wore belts, I knew that was something only thin people did. And I never wore my shirt tucked in. I rarely wore dresses until college when a friend re-introduced me to girdles. And I never, ever, ever did anything (besides shower) without a bra on.
That's another one that I learned from my mother. She would shower in her bra if she could find a way. She wears hers to sleep, to the bathroom to take the shower, back out again, in the pool. Always. One day a few months after I started wearing training bras, I decided to go a day without one. I remember, I was wearing a yellow t-shirt and it was a Saturday so it wasn't like anyone was going to see me anyway.
My mother looked me up and down. "You're not wearing a bra today" she accused.
"Nah, I thought I'd give it a rest today," I replied.
"You should probably wear one."
I felt so sad. I was chained to them now, forever, just like Mom. It wasn't until Mr. Sprat that I stopped wearing them when I sleep, now, even occasionally when I'm home all day. It's amazing how fast the scars I was led to believe all big-chested women have faded after I stopped abusing my body.
So eventually, I stopped wearing my bra all the time. And eventually I started wearing dresses more. And I started telling Mom it was my own business whether my arms would be covered or not. And yesterday I bought a belt. And I bought skirts with the intent to tuck.
For so long, I thought there were just some things I couldn't do because I was fat. I was told there were some things that just weren't my rights, because I was fat. But I moved out on my own, and I slept without a bra and I wore dresses and somehow, I found a boyfriend and got married (and found a wedding dress!) And the police didn't kick in my door and tell me to give it back. And I realized that maybe I could have anything I wanted, if I just worked at it and surrounded myself with people who would support me.
So yesterday, I bought a belt.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
On Being More Afraid of Fat Acceptance than Just Being Fat
I have been lurking around the corners of the Fat-O-Sphere for months now and trying to figure out how to process the material I have been working through. I've been talking to my husband about it, which has been great, but I am afraid to tell anyone else. I'm afraid that I will be judged and laughed at and that's just my family's reactions! So I decided that maybe the best way to process everything-- and to try to slowly build up the courage to tell my family and friends about my new interest-- is to start writing.
I have been fat my whole life, (with the exception of the year I was 10, though I didn't know it at the time.) From late elementary school on I have been on various diets, though mostly Slim-Fast. Once I got to college, I began telling people that yes, I wanted to be on a diet but college was too stressful and once I was out I would try to lose weight. But secretly, I had no desire to lose weight. I was happy with how I looked and felt and certainly happy with eating what I enjoyed. After college I married Mr. Sprat and after a year of working I am back in graduate school studying Human Sexuality. I discovered FA a few months ago when I was reading a book about rape and there was an article by Kate Harding in it. I've been hooked ever since and am feeling stronger and better about myself than I ever have.
I am really looking forward to discussing fat acceptance with the community, not to mention focusing on fat sex, as it combines two of my greatest interests and also getting to show off some outfits (one of the few benefits of working in retail to put myself through school.) See you around the Fat-O-Sphere!
I have been fat my whole life, (with the exception of the year I was 10, though I didn't know it at the time.) From late elementary school on I have been on various diets, though mostly Slim-Fast. Once I got to college, I began telling people that yes, I wanted to be on a diet but college was too stressful and once I was out I would try to lose weight. But secretly, I had no desire to lose weight. I was happy with how I looked and felt and certainly happy with eating what I enjoyed. After college I married Mr. Sprat and after a year of working I am back in graduate school studying Human Sexuality. I discovered FA a few months ago when I was reading a book about rape and there was an article by Kate Harding in it. I've been hooked ever since and am feeling stronger and better about myself than I ever have.
I am really looking forward to discussing fat acceptance with the community, not to mention focusing on fat sex, as it combines two of my greatest interests and also getting to show off some outfits (one of the few benefits of working in retail to put myself through school.) See you around the Fat-O-Sphere!
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