How can we help other women who hate their bodies? The first thing we can do is love ours, unconditionally. The second thing we can do is talk. Talk to your friends, partners and family. Use the term vulva, not vagina and talk about why it is important to know your vulva as you know your face. If you have friends who would be willing, have a vulva circle, where you take turns passing the hand mirror around and look at each others vulvas. Remind women that there is no shame in having a vulva and that they are all beautiful. For further reading, look into Betty Dodson's work, especially Sex for One or if you can find the video Viva La Vulva. Understand that many women have very complex relationships with vulvas and be patient if they are scared, grossed out or indifferent.
Tell people about labiaplasty and why you think it is wrong. Encourage discussion about plastic surgery in general and how it affects women. Talk about female genital mutilation or female circumcision. Talk about how wonderful it is to have an organ that's only function is pleasure (the clitoris, of course!)
Refuse anything less than comprehensive sexuality education and don't be afraid to let those in Washington know. Currently, millions of dollars go into abstinence-only based education which often does not discuss female pleasure at all. Demand that educators use a variety of models and diagrams, not just thin, white men and women with sanitized genitalia. Insist on your children learning the words penis and vulva as they would learn fingers and toes.
But most of all, walk tall. Be proud. You are a woman. You have a vulva and it is beautiful, just like the rest of you.
Love,
Mrs. Sprat
Showing posts with label vulva. Show all posts
Showing posts with label vulva. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Know Your Vulva Part 5: What Can We Do?
After reading my last four posts about this topic, you may be feeling pretty hopeless. How can we change a system that brings us down practically from birth? How can we undo all of the damage done to us from our mothers, teachers, friends, the media and society?
As you may have guessed by now, the answer is to Know Your Vulva.
Take a hand-mirror, or other mirror that you can adjust-- I recommend a lighted-makeup mirror because it can stand on its own, which is great for fatties especially-- and put it between your legs. (It might also be helpful to look up or print out an anatomy diagram just in case some of the terminology is foreign to you.) Put your legs as far apart as you can, with your feet flat on the floor and your knees bent. First, just look at your vulva as is, don't use your hands just yet. Notice what color your outer lips are, how much pubic hair you have, whether or not you can see your inner lips or your clitoris without using your fingers. Then gently pull apart the outer lips with two fingers (or each hand if you are using a hands-free mirror.) Look at your clitoral hood. What color is it? Can you see the clitoris without touching the hood or do you need to move the hood back? Look at your inner lips. Are they the same size? Is one larger? What color are they? How do they feel when you touch them? Look at the opening of your vagina. Is it partially covered? Can you see inside at all? What color is it?
At this point if you are so inclined, you can masturbate while looking in the mirror. Notice the changes of your inner lips and clitoris, notice whether fluid is coming out of the vagina and if so how much and what color. Another thing you can do if you have a plastic speculum is you can set that up and look at your cervix. Checking your cervix is a great way to monitor your pelvic health as well as your menstrual cycle. Check out The Beautiful Cervix Project for more information about cervical health.
Don't just do this once, do it regularly. Do it at different points in your cycle. Do it with a partner or close friend. Do it until you know what your vulva looks like as well as you know what your face looks like. Do it until you love your vulva and until you feel comfortable looking at it. Do it until you don't feel the shame anymore. And then it's time to spread the word!
Up Next: How can we help others?
As you may have guessed by now, the answer is to Know Your Vulva.
Take a hand-mirror, or other mirror that you can adjust-- I recommend a lighted-makeup mirror because it can stand on its own, which is great for fatties especially-- and put it between your legs. (It might also be helpful to look up or print out an anatomy diagram just in case some of the terminology is foreign to you.) Put your legs as far apart as you can, with your feet flat on the floor and your knees bent. First, just look at your vulva as is, don't use your hands just yet. Notice what color your outer lips are, how much pubic hair you have, whether or not you can see your inner lips or your clitoris without using your fingers. Then gently pull apart the outer lips with two fingers (or each hand if you are using a hands-free mirror.) Look at your clitoral hood. What color is it? Can you see the clitoris without touching the hood or do you need to move the hood back? Look at your inner lips. Are they the same size? Is one larger? What color are they? How do they feel when you touch them? Look at the opening of your vagina. Is it partially covered? Can you see inside at all? What color is it?
At this point if you are so inclined, you can masturbate while looking in the mirror. Notice the changes of your inner lips and clitoris, notice whether fluid is coming out of the vagina and if so how much and what color. Another thing you can do if you have a plastic speculum is you can set that up and look at your cervix. Checking your cervix is a great way to monitor your pelvic health as well as your menstrual cycle. Check out The Beautiful Cervix Project for more information about cervical health.
Don't just do this once, do it regularly. Do it at different points in your cycle. Do it with a partner or close friend. Do it until you know what your vulva looks like as well as you know what your face looks like. Do it until you love your vulva and until you feel comfortable looking at it. Do it until you don't feel the shame anymore. And then it's time to spread the word!
Up Next: How can we help others?
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Know Your Vulva Part 3: Labiaplasty
Negative messages about women's body come from everywhere. As we've seen, our mothers tell us our body is dirty and then society denies our vulvas even exist. On TV (and in porn) women are portrayed as having a smooth line in bathing suits and skimpy outfits, there is nothing else "down there."
The medical industry does nothing to refute these claims. In fact they capitalize on them. Plastic surgeons have a long history with exploiting or even creating medical disorders to promote surgeries. When there was some question as to the safety of breast implants, doctors invented a disease called "micromastia" claiming that many women suffered from it and that implants were the cure. Suddenly a ton of women who simply had small breasts now had a medical disease. (Sound familiar? Remember when BMI suddenly made everyone obese?)
Labiaplasty is a relatively new surgery in which the inner labia are cut down. Again, doctors use the concept of "normal" to justify the surgery saying that inner labia that extend past the outer are "not necessary." Furthermore, since female genitals are described as an absence, long inner lips can be seen as being masculine. Anything that juts out or is bumpy is somehow wrong (unless it's breasts or butts.) There are other types of genital surgery including sewing up of the hymen and other "vaginal rejuvenation." Labiaplasty is the fastest-growing plastic surgery in the US today. This means that while other plastic surgeries are currently being performed more frequently, the number of labiaplasties is steadily rising.
As with any genital surgery, there are many risks. The labia are very sensitive to pleasure, in fact the legs of the clitoris are located underneath the labia minora. Cutting them off can cause a loss of pleasure, painful intercourse, among other problems. The really unfortunate part is that the surgery does nothing to correct the real problem and many women continue to be dissatisfied after the surgery. One study found that two of the 16 women they talked with had a second surgery to further "correct the problem." The real problem is body image, and no surgery in the world can correct that.
As a side note, Female genital mutilation is often talked about as being such a horrible, barbaric procedure. (For those who don't know, it is practiced in Africa among other places and involves cutting all the external genitalia off of young girls.) There are charitable organizations here in the US that try to go into Africa and stop the procedure. While I do agree that it shouldn't be done, I think we need to take a hard look at what we do here in the United States.
Some would argue that the girls in Africa have no choice and that women here have a choice. But if we are constantly being manipulated by our parents, teachers, doctors, the media and society as a whole then what kind of choice is that? It is the same as being told that lap-band surgery is a choice. If we do not have all the information, it is no choice at all.
Up Next: Know Your Vulva: What Can We Do?
The medical industry does nothing to refute these claims. In fact they capitalize on them. Plastic surgeons have a long history with exploiting or even creating medical disorders to promote surgeries. When there was some question as to the safety of breast implants, doctors invented a disease called "micromastia" claiming that many women suffered from it and that implants were the cure. Suddenly a ton of women who simply had small breasts now had a medical disease. (Sound familiar? Remember when BMI suddenly made everyone obese?)
Labiaplasty is a relatively new surgery in which the inner labia are cut down. Again, doctors use the concept of "normal" to justify the surgery saying that inner labia that extend past the outer are "not necessary." Furthermore, since female genitals are described as an absence, long inner lips can be seen as being masculine. Anything that juts out or is bumpy is somehow wrong (unless it's breasts or butts.) There are other types of genital surgery including sewing up of the hymen and other "vaginal rejuvenation." Labiaplasty is the fastest-growing plastic surgery in the US today. This means that while other plastic surgeries are currently being performed more frequently, the number of labiaplasties is steadily rising.
As with any genital surgery, there are many risks. The labia are very sensitive to pleasure, in fact the legs of the clitoris are located underneath the labia minora. Cutting them off can cause a loss of pleasure, painful intercourse, among other problems. The really unfortunate part is that the surgery does nothing to correct the real problem and many women continue to be dissatisfied after the surgery. One study found that two of the 16 women they talked with had a second surgery to further "correct the problem." The real problem is body image, and no surgery in the world can correct that.
As a side note, Female genital mutilation is often talked about as being such a horrible, barbaric procedure. (For those who don't know, it is practiced in Africa among other places and involves cutting all the external genitalia off of young girls.) There are charitable organizations here in the US that try to go into Africa and stop the procedure. While I do agree that it shouldn't be done, I think we need to take a hard look at what we do here in the United States.
Some would argue that the girls in Africa have no choice and that women here have a choice. But if we are constantly being manipulated by our parents, teachers, doctors, the media and society as a whole then what kind of choice is that? It is the same as being told that lap-band surgery is a choice. If we do not have all the information, it is no choice at all.
Up Next: Know Your Vulva: What Can We Do?
Monday, February 28, 2011
Know Your Vulva Part 2- The Name Game and Shame
When we are children or teenagers we are taught that boys have a penis. But what are we taught that girls have? The answer is usually a vagina. We are not taught that she has a vulva. We are not taught about the clitoris or the inner or outer lips or the mons, we are taught that we have a hole or two. And that's it.
Our old buddy Sigmund Freud is at least partly responsible for this. The whole Oedipal thing relies on the fear of castration: The idea that men have a penis and women do not. They have nothing. Men are defined as a presence and women as an absence.
How many times have we heard a child say that they had seen a woman's vagina in a locker room? Unless the kid had X-ray specs, she did not a vagina see. Even if the woman was spread eagle with her fingers separating everything, she might have seen the vaginal opening, but that probably did not happen.
Defining women as an absence is a huge problem for women and body image. Anything that is not a hole is considered somehow masculine. So women who have large inner lips for example are considered masculine and imperfect. If we are just supposed to have a hole down there, how do we explain everything else? And if we don't have a name for it, how can we enjoy it?
Education does not help this matter at all. Most people are taught in Sex Education the same thing, that women have vaginas. Many teachers are not allowed to use the word clitoris at all, lest it should encourage exploration. (Or any kind of pleasurable female sexuality, we wouldn't want that now would we?) Diagrams are usually thin, white women with everything "neat" and tucked in. There is no variety, no black vulvas, no fat ones, etc.
So between being yelled at and told we were dirty for touching ourselves when we were children and then being "linguistically castrated" by our teachers, most women start in a very bad place when it comes to vulva body image, heaped on top of the body image problems we suffer in general. However, no fad diets will help with this problem. We must immediately turn to surgery to "correct" this problem.
Next Post: Labiaplasty: The Fastest-Growing Plastic Surgery in the US
Our old buddy Sigmund Freud is at least partly responsible for this. The whole Oedipal thing relies on the fear of castration: The idea that men have a penis and women do not. They have nothing. Men are defined as a presence and women as an absence.
How many times have we heard a child say that they had seen a woman's vagina in a locker room? Unless the kid had X-ray specs, she did not a vagina see. Even if the woman was spread eagle with her fingers separating everything, she might have seen the vaginal opening, but that probably did not happen.
Defining women as an absence is a huge problem for women and body image. Anything that is not a hole is considered somehow masculine. So women who have large inner lips for example are considered masculine and imperfect. If we are just supposed to have a hole down there, how do we explain everything else? And if we don't have a name for it, how can we enjoy it?
Education does not help this matter at all. Most people are taught in Sex Education the same thing, that women have vaginas. Many teachers are not allowed to use the word clitoris at all, lest it should encourage exploration. (Or any kind of pleasurable female sexuality, we wouldn't want that now would we?) Diagrams are usually thin, white women with everything "neat" and tucked in. There is no variety, no black vulvas, no fat ones, etc.
So between being yelled at and told we were dirty for touching ourselves when we were children and then being "linguistically castrated" by our teachers, most women start in a very bad place when it comes to vulva body image, heaped on top of the body image problems we suffer in general. However, no fad diets will help with this problem. We must immediately turn to surgery to "correct" this problem.
Next Post: Labiaplasty: The Fastest-Growing Plastic Surgery in the US
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Know your Vulva Part 1- Introduction
This is going to be the first part in a series about knowing your vulva. Men, you should listen up too, these are important issues whether you have one or not.
Women are taught from a very young age not to look at or touch their vulva. Mother's slap us, teachers admonish us. We are told that it is a dirty place and instructed to go and wash our hands. I was told (when I'd left the hand mirror on the bathroom floor by mistake) that if you can't see something, you probably shouldn't be looking at it.
Some women grow up without knowing what their vulva even looks like. Many others are ashamed, concerned about smell or think simply that it is ugly. Some risk surgery to "correct" problems they believe exist because there is no one to talk to about whether this or that is "normal."
These problems can be exacerbated by being fat because body image issues often compound on each other. Also, fat women are often "de-sexed" or are somehow considered less womanly or asexual because they are fat. The shame surrounding being fat becomes entangled with the same surrounding the female genitals and the combination can be devastating.
Over the next few weeks, I'm going to break down the problem, and it's solutions over several blog posts. I think that this topic is too important to rush it, so I hope that you will all stay with me, I promise you will learn a lot!
Up next week: The Name Game and Shame
~Mrs. Sprat
Women are taught from a very young age not to look at or touch their vulva. Mother's slap us, teachers admonish us. We are told that it is a dirty place and instructed to go and wash our hands. I was told (when I'd left the hand mirror on the bathroom floor by mistake) that if you can't see something, you probably shouldn't be looking at it.
Some women grow up without knowing what their vulva even looks like. Many others are ashamed, concerned about smell or think simply that it is ugly. Some risk surgery to "correct" problems they believe exist because there is no one to talk to about whether this or that is "normal."
These problems can be exacerbated by being fat because body image issues often compound on each other. Also, fat women are often "de-sexed" or are somehow considered less womanly or asexual because they are fat. The shame surrounding being fat becomes entangled with the same surrounding the female genitals and the combination can be devastating.
Over the next few weeks, I'm going to break down the problem, and it's solutions over several blog posts. I think that this topic is too important to rush it, so I hope that you will all stay with me, I promise you will learn a lot!
Up next week: The Name Game and Shame
~Mrs. Sprat
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